13 Shades of Grey
by WolfSpirt
Summary: All good things must come to an end, life is unfair, childeren become adults, innocence is hardened, as good and evil mix together to make shades gray. [dabbles and one shots][WARNING! Chapter 4 has some VERY harsh feelings.]
1. I'll cut you in tiny pieces

"We are to move out at dusk. Dismissed!"

I saluted my superior with a confident face, but I felt quite the opposite. Why were we to do this? It made no sense at all. Why start a war for no reason? We have been at peace for years and there have been no disagreements between sides. Is it a religious matter? No, it couldn't be. That is against our country's constitution and the military enforces it. Could there be a secret society? Maybe, but why kill everyone in the race for it? Why are we supposed to slaughter these people? Just because we're different skin colors? What is the reasoning for this?

Kimberly shoved a gun into my arms with a sickening smile. He ran his hands across my shoulders. I shivered at the unwanted contact. He seamed to smile even wider by my uneasiness. I couldn't do anything, he was my commander and I had to put up with his tactics.

"Don't die on me Martel. Wouldn't want to lose that pretty face." He said cupping my face.

As much as I wanted to knee him in the crotch, I couldn't. I looked at him strait in the eyes with a sour expression.

He left us to prepare. I loaded my gun with bullets and strapped daggers to my thighs. I kept a hard expression but my insides were shaking. I looked for comfort with my other officers, but it seemed that they were putting on the same allusion I was. So this is what it's like being a dog of the military.

We were deployed in the middle of a desert and were told to move north until we came to a large rock structure. We were to wait till dark, then attack. Anyone who saw us couldn't afford to live.

I started at the entrance of the temple. I slit the throats of two men passing by. Their blood splattered on my neck and I wiped it off quickly. I climbed the ceiling and fell upon a small boy. I knocked him out instead of killing him. No one would find out this time.

I entered a room full of people who looked as shocked as I did, and I opened fire on all of them. None of them had time to scream before a bullet ripped through their heads. Blood painted the room in coats. The smell made me sick to my stomach.

I assumed our mission was complete. I went outside to find my teammates in hand cuffs. My first reaction was to scream, but I ran. I ran as fast as my legs would carry me. The military surrounded me and I franticly looked for a way out. An officer pushed me into the sand and chained me from behind. They dragged me to the base.

Kimberly was looking smug next to the Furer. I became outraged.

"Kimberly! How could you do this! I'll find you! I'll hunt you down and kill you, you bastard if it's the last thing I do! I'll murder you in you sleep and cut your body into little pieces! Do you hear me!"

He seemed taken back by my vulgarity but laughed all the same. I thrashed and screamed as they chained me to a table. I was left alone with Kimberly. He chuckled at me. I was naked and bound to a table. He was going to violate me.

He ran his hand across my body. "Dear Martel. What a nice body." He squeezed my breast violently. "So long…snake like."

I remember what he did but I wish I don't. He violated me in such a way. I remember tears. Then when he left doctors came in. They could see the damage done but they inserted me with injections, tattooed my body.

After, they through me in a molding jail cell to live out my life as a rat of lab 5.


	2. Hope is lost

I don't own it. Never will. So don't fine me.

* * *

"He's been shot!" A cry rippled thought the crowd of people. People started to panic and yell, holding their children close to them. A series of shots rang out from two military officers that had lost it. Luckily, a blond man got to them and stopped them before they killed too many people.

One of the bodies lying face down in the dirt was shot in the stomach and the blood leaked out of the corpse leaving a pool of blood. A small girl ran out of the crowd to the victim. She was sobbing and clutching the body close to her. Everything seemed to grow quite and all that was heard was the hysterical crying of a small child.

"Mommy!", She screamed. All of the military officers had a horrified expression on their faces. She finally gave up on shaking it and faced the military fleet. Her eyes no longer held sadness, though her face did.

"You killed my mommy!" She screamed at them. The small girl stared directly at Mustang with a mix of anger and bitter sadness. "YOU LET THEM KILL MY MOMMY!"

An older girl hurriedly emerged, the smaller one's sister, picked her up, and ran back. She did not want her to be gone to.

"I want mommy." She sobbed against her sister's chest. And slowly, the older sister began to cry. With out introduction, Scar had appeared, ready for battle, ready to avenge his fellow people.


	3. Weak, weak, human

I touched the ground hesitantly. The tile was a sensation on my fingers. I ran them over my face to see if my skin was real. Warm and smooth. Yes, it was real. So it finally happened, I'm no longer a tin man. As joyful as I thought I was supposed to feel, I didn't. My pulse was normal. My heart wasn't racing. I've been waiting years for this moment. What's wrong with me?

I noticed some blood on the floor. My leg as bleeding. Without thinking I licked the wound. The taste was new. I tried standing up, but my legs couldn't take my weight. Damn, if I was metal again I would…Why am I thinking that?

As a human I would be able to have children, be able to feel. But, my mind reminded me, as a transmutated soul I wouldn't feel pain, I wouldn't grow old, and I made a sweet carrying case.

I have waited to be human forever, but I realized that it was a waste. I didn't want to be human, I didn't want to be weak.


	4. Wanted murder

I would be lying if I told you that I didn't want to murder Roy Mustang. I wish he would die the most painful death ever imaginable. I wish he was sunned, scalped, bruised, beaten, torn, cut, and crippled. Call me savage if you want. You don't know how savage he is. You don't know how many people he killed. You don't know how many lives he ruined.

If I was in a room alone with him, I'd kill him. I'd cut his balls off. I'd stab the life out of him. I know what you're thinking. You think I'm crazy. I am crazy, with hate.

He is a dog of the military. A military who had murdered innocent people, who has mutilated its own soldiers, who deceived the public, whose soldiers rape and violate small girls. No one in that type of society should be able to live in this world.

I used to be an innocent young girl with dreams and a smile to spread. War not only changes the people on the front lines.


	5. Overheard conversations

I guess I was ogling him because I fell right into the pile of books I had so neatly stacked for the past hour. But I couldn't help it! He is so perfect! His hair, his smile, not to mention his intelligence. I couldn't help but day dream. Any woman would. I carefully picked up the books I had messed up, trying to be graceful in his presence. He seemed not to even notice me though. He was on the phone with someone.

I know it was bad to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help it. His voice was smooth and melodic, it made me melt. His conversation consisted of some random yes's and no's, nothing too interesting until he gave out a short laugh. He mentioned a woman's name, Julia. He raved about how good looking she was and that the person on the other line couldn't steal her away.

He said she had long slender legs, bright blue eyes, slim stomach, and long straight blonde hair. He boasted that her "rack" was much bigger than the chick he was dating, trying to paint a picture of perfection for the other man. He said that Julia was crazy for him and that they were already having sex. That made me cringe.

I guess it could be expected. He was single, and looking the way he did… an empty feeling in my stomach expanded throughout my body. I pushed my glassed up to the bridge of me nose. I didn't intend to listen to the rest of his conversation but his voice raised and echoed throughout the library. Nobody but he and I were in it so I guess he didn't pay attention. I opened up a green book and concentrated hard on the words on the page. It was some sort of instructions on how to move earth with alchemy.

The harder I tried to read the louder his voice appeared. I was thankful when he paused. He gave out a laughing fit. The other person must have told a joke. He gasped for air while trying to talk and laugh at the same time. I couldn't help but stair at he lovely features.

"Sciezska! Are you kidding?"

Now I was interested. What could he possibly be talking about me for? I slipped behind the counter and listened.

"Please Roy, she's ugly."

Ugly…were they making fun of me?

"I mean, those huge glasses, that ugly green sweater she wears, her frizzy hair, and her flat chest! She probably hasn't had her first kiss yet, not to mention a boyfriend."

Flat? Sure I wasn't a double D, but I had some there. I guess my chest was considered microscopic around here. Why would he say something so hurtful? Does everyone think I'm just some ugly bookworm?

"She isn't the kind of girl I date."

I noticed tears streaming down my face. I wiped them on the jacket I was wearing. I covered my face so he couldn't hear my sniffling. I can't believe I thought I had a chance at him.

He hung up and started walking towards the counter. I quickly wipe my face and acted like I dropped something. I brushed myself off and put a book on the pile. He laid the book he was reading on top and winked at me. I normally would have blushed, but I stared blankly back.

"Thank you," I mumbled. "and please, try to be quiet in the library Jean."


	6. Love me instead

I couldn't believe what had become of me. Here I am, ease dropping just to hear her sweet voice. How low I must look to on goers, but I pay no attention at the moment. She's talking to another person, as I find out. The person happens to be my brother.

She's talking to him in whispers and I can't make out what they're saying! I must know! I need to hear her voice! I need-

"I…I love you to Winry."

I stay perfectly still, hoping that maybe I heard wrong. He couldn't love her! She couldn't love him! Them, together, was…well impossible!

How could she choose my brother over me! Feeling of bitter envy and hate fill my body and flow up to my head, and into my lips. Which I clamp down upon with my teeth.

Why would Winry do this? She told me she loved ME! Have all this time...she focused on….on Al? Why Al Winry! Why not me! Love me! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!

The thought kept echoing through out my mind.


	7. Dirty

It was a hot night in central. Beads of sweat were forming on my brow. The flimsy blanket I was laying on was itching my skin. It probably wouldn't have, if I wasn't naked. And the body next to me certainly was not helping with the heat. I glanced at him. His face was nuzzled against the back of my neck and his arms were protectively around my waist. I smiled.

I turned to wake him. I whispered lightly in his ear, "Roy, Roy wake up." He mumbled incoherently and tightened his grip. I sighed, though still enjoying the embrace.

"Rika…"

What? I looked at Roy in shock. Who was Rika? My eyes were welling up. I knew exactly who she was, another woman, one he was probably sleeping with. My skin felt like it was on fire. I felt dirty. Dirty for being with him. I was disgusted with myself. I should have seen this coming. Why did have to fall for him!

I threw his arms off me. He awoke abruptly. I was quickly putting on my clothes that were spread out all over his office. He grabbed my arm.

"What's wrong Riza?" His face showed concern. Like I cared.

"Why don't you ask Rika instead." I shot back at him. A look of horror came over his face and I stared bitterly into his dilated eyes. I didn't know weather I was more hurt then angry.

I forcefully ripped my arm out of his grasp and walked right out of his office.


End file.
